Boiled beef: It's new!

For those who came in late: one of my favourite restaurants decided to get new chefs.  These hip and happening chefs have dumped the old-fashioned cooking paradigms and invested in an expensive new steam-cooker that can keep the food at the perfect temperature.  Sadly, none of these new chefs (with titles such as Head Chef and Executive Chef) can actually cook.

One week later....


Flicking through the TV randomly I stumbled upon a show demonstrating the latest in cooking technology.  Get your vaccuum-packed ingredients and put them into the newfangled machine, and you can steam-cook your food without even taking them out of the packet!

I instantly flashed back to my experience at The Restaurant.  Morbid curiosity kept me watching the screen.  Sure enough there it was: the exact meal that had been served to me on the worst day out I ever had.  Potatoes pureed into baby food; beef steam-cooked rather than pan-fried.

I should probably issue this disclaimer: I'm not a foodie, I'm a computer programmer by trade.  What irks me is that, with no more than a year of mandatory Home Economics in high school, I seem to know more about cooking good food than all the chefs at The Restaurant.

Anyway, back to the TV show and the Newfangled Steam Cooker (trademark).  After you steam-cook your food, you're meant to get the blowtorch and take away the 'boiled beef' look.  Sorry guys, but even if you add LSD to the stuff you can't take away one inescapable fact: steamed meat is indistinguishable from boiled meat, which is indistinguishable from raw meat.  A good steak is never steamed: it must be pan-fried to seal in the flavours.

And while we're at it, here's how you cook a good steak & 3 vege.  Firstly, pureed food has the same flavour as baby formula -- its target audience.  Potatoes must be mashed, with a dash of butter and perhaps milk if you need some extra moisture.  Vegies, unlike meat, can indeed be steamed.  Broccoli and beans are best cooked whole, carrots chopped into discs.  Peas are also an excellent green, especially with mash.

As an alternative to cooked veggies, one can instead have a side salad: whatever takes one's fancy.  Lettuce is more a garnish so stick with celery and carrot sticks plus fruit & vege in season.  If you have steak plus salad, you need to have chips -- good chips, like The Restaurant used to have, not the wet and soggy ones from the university refectory.